if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
