So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
