so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize