last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
