I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
