He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
