Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
