I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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