Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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