and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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