A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
