wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
