Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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