what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
