well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
