Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
