She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
