4 words: hood of his car
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
