im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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