Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
