Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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