I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
