im drinking this country out of the recession.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
