Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize