He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
