My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
