Cold hands, warm shart.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
