Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize