Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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