Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
