headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
