the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize