my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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