she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
