She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
