Just cropdusted the office
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
