Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
