I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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