you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
