He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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