Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
