So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
