Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
