Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
