im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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