My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
