It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
