Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize