im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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