There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
