I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
