I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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