Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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