So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im six kinds of drunk right now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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