saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
