Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
