went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize