Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
