names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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