four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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