wakey wakey hands off snakey
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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