tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
