that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize