I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you.
Bad choice
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
