All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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