he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
