Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
