I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
