Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
