paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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