i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
