I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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