Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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