If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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