yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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