She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
