The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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