i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
