just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im part way to drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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